A sibling

Little Man needs a sibling...BAD. If we're in the 'baby's' room he'll ask me if he can play with 'her' when she isn't in the crib. The toys in the room are also 'her's'. He has also been saying his teddy bear is his sister the past few weeks. I try to tell him that his teddy isn't his sister. He doesn't have a sister yet but he always argues that teddy is indeed his sister.

Here is another issue, a sister. Not a brother, but a sister. I keep telling him it is up to God to bless us with a baby boy or girl. I tell him if he really would like a sister he needs to pray to God and ask for one. He will fold his hands and with my help pray for a sister (I of course, wouldn't have him full out pray for a sister but if it's in God's will he would like a sister.).

But this has me thinking. Should we go for it and check we only want a girl on our adoption paperwork? I know we can choose and we (OK, me) chose that we really shouldn't choose between a boy and girl but leave it up to God. But Daddy REALLY wants a daughter this time around (And no, we do not talk about this with Little Man. He has done all this sister wanting on his own.).

Is this God's way of saying our next child is a girl? That we should go for it and only check girl? I fear that if we do we'll be waiting another 2 years. I don't know if I can handle that long of a wait again.

I am unsure what to do. If I had my way I would have started the process (Ok, fine, I would be pregnant) months ago...

On a roll

Since I'm on a roll and posted twice yesterday I thought why not post again today. Who knows maybe this will get me back into the swing of blogging.

I am trying to think of subjects to write about and right now my mind is a blank. I think because the only thing I can think of is our move and where we were last year. At this time last year we knew we needed to be out of our house. It was a devastating time to us as a family but especially to Daddy. He was the bread winner of the family working hard to support us. Although the economy was on the down swing his job field was hit hard. Work wasn't coming in but the bills kept going out. When your in a situation like that there is only one way to turn. For us it was on our knees hands folded in prayer. Many judged us. Judged our circumstances and formed their own version on what was going on in our family. Even now others still judge. I feel judging is something that should be left to God. What matters is God has taken our family by the hand and lead us through. We knew he would and he did. Now we prepare to move for the 2nd in one year. And God willing the last time.

I love looking back and seeing where God has brought us. From no kids, to having a wonderful and beautiful son. From no job, no house, to 2 wonderful paying jobs, a great babysitter for Little Man (and VERY affordable!), to friends who are always willing to help us out.

My favorite moment to look back on is when I quit my job (of 3 years) back in college with no notice and no job lined up. I was unemployed for 2 weeks (which was a HUGE deal when I was paying my own college tuition with no loans and had 1 year left). I landed a job at a department store and met this great guy. Ten years ago we rang in the new year, 2000, as a couple. Six months later he proposed and nine months later we were married.

You never know where God will lead you.

Little Man and his Easter suit

He is Risen! He is Risen! Happy Easter everyone!

September 19th, 1981

I was 2 years, 9 months and some odd days old. I was just a few months shy of my 3rd birthday, which was my Golden Birthday.

In light of what is going on in Stellan's life I have been thinking alot about my surgery.

I was born with a hole in my heart. I was a very sick premie...infant...toddler until my VSD was repaired on September 19th 1981.

Little Man is the age I was when my mom had to watch the nurses wheel me into an operating room where they opened my chest stopped my heart (on purpose) and repaired the hole. My mom was there when I was wheeled back into my room. My mom has told me bits and pieces of that day to me. How she would be by my side and then run to the bathroom to get sick because it was so much to see me so gray with so many machines hooked up to me. Also the fact she had 3 other children at home that needed to be taken care off.

No child should have to go through this. No mom should have to see their child go through this. I look at Little Man and can't even imagine the thought of him being so sick, hooked up to machines, and not knowing what the future holds.

Could I be as strong as my mom? As strong as MckMama? To sit next to my childs bed praying to God that it be me lying there and not my child. Praying that the next time the doctors come in it is with good news and a possible drug that will cure everything. That the decisions that have to be made are the right ones, without a doubt.

Not only does a parent have to worry about the health of their child but also the costs of the hospital stay. When I was in college I found my old medical bills from my surgery. With the help from a coworker who's husband just had bypass surgery a few months prior I did a paper on the increased cost in the healthcare industry. It wasn't pretty. Please if you feel compelled go to MckMama's blog and donate to help relieve some of the costs. This is one thing they don't need to worry about.

I am proud to say I am a part of the 'Zipper Club'. I where my scar with pride. I went through a lot and did it with the help of God. I pray Stellan doesn't have to join this club. He is one strong little man and God has proven to be by his side. Continue to pray for him and his family.

Still on our way up

Five short months ago I stood in a kitchen of Daddy's grandpa while he reamed me a good one (in front of Little Man) and proceeded to call us names about our financial situation. A situation he didn't know or care to know anything about. After that day people in our family proceeded to make it their business and put us down. Even now my family is taking our unfortunate circumstances and turing it against me.

While all that has been going on God has continued to lift us up.

You all know the rest. We have a place to live and I have a great job. Well I happily announce we paid off some more debt today and closed our account with the consolidation company (they weren't doing anything anyways) as these accounts are now paid off.

PAID OFF. They are paid off! I LOVE those words! I'm so happy. I never thought I'd see this day.

Slowly getting there

Well we are mostly moved in. We have a few things left to move but otherwise have all the essentials.

Now...if only I could get my motivation back and start unpacking the rest of the boxes. I think there are 4 or 5 boxes left to unpack. Not including the pictures that need to be hung on the walls. We need to buy two shelves; one for each bathroom and another little one for the kitchen. The one in the kitchen will hold our pots and pans. The bathroom shelves will hold towels and other bathroom necessities.

I don't know if you noticed but I have a box noting the Adoption Tax Credit set to expire in 2010. I highly suggest you click it and contact your representative to make this permanent. I have heard the credit may get an extension for a few more years so this is good news for Daddy and I. With God blessing us immensly with a job and the ability to pay off some debt we are thinking about the possibility of creating more debt. Good debt that is...that'll be paid off with the Adoption Tax Credit. Yep, we are looking into when we'll be able to start adoption #2. I've talked with our social worker and told her our plans. It's looking like we'll be going international. We are hoping to adopt an 'older' child, menaing 6 months to 3 years. In the adoption world any child over 6 months (or has siblings) is considered special needs. I don't like how they label them like this but they do. If your wondering foster care isn't an option because most children that are waiting have siblings and the youngest is usually over 6.

We are still a few months (or year) from starting but who knows God may have other plans.

Daddy is hoping to get an interview with a company that's by St Cloud. It's not ideal, it's an hour drive one way but it's a job and the pay is what he was making at Precast Detailing. Hopefully he gets an interview and a job.

I am in awe at how much God has blessed us. We have lost our families but God has continued to show his love for us through our wonderful friends and eachother. To that I am thankful.

Short post

I won't be posting much the next few days. With the new job and moving I hardly have time for Little Man and Daddy. Hopefully by next week I can take it easy and slowly unpack stuff and stay intune to you all.

I am LOVING my new job. Although I'm pretty overwhelmed (and confused!) on all my job duties. But that's OK. I know I'll get it down eventually and will have a routine. One thing I do love is there is a therapy dog, Jasper, that comes in with her owner. She only goes in a couple times a week but because she had eye surgery she's been in everyday this week (so her owner can give her eye drops while she works). She is the sweetest and she goes around to all the business personnel to get a treat. I love it! She walks around the nursing home like she owns the place. It's too funny! She definitely knows where she's going.

We have a place and hope to be fully moved in by the beginning of next week. It's very hard when all of our friends are busy this week otherwise they would have helped during the week. We should have help tomorrow and Friday night and all weekend. So that'll help.

Well I'm off to target to pick up some things.

Oh Daddy got an email from a company he use to work for, well through his former job, and they want to set up an interview. The only bummer is the job is 1 hour and 5 minutes from our new home. Sigh. If we must, we must.

And good news is on April 1st we'll have insurance. It's not bad but the premium is awful. Wherever I've worked I've always had an option to pick a higher premimum plan and not have a deductible. Not here. Sigh. One option is a $1500 deductibe (or $6000 for our family) or a $500 deductible (or $1500 for our family). We're choosing the $500 deductible but that means we'll have to pay $548 and some change. Eep. More than I was hoping for.

Busy Busy

Wow, 3 days have passed. I had hoped to blog the past 2 days and before I knew it they were gone.

Daddy and I have been so busy trying to get out of our house. Our mortgage company is messed up and so is the state of MN. We figured it all out (after 1 apartment and 1 townhouse denials) and looked at a condo today. We pray we won't need a co-signer. You would think one's family would be there for them and it amazes me how selfish our parents are. We aren't looking for handouts all we want is help getting back on our feet. My mom flat out said No and Daddy's parents have conditions attached to them saying yes.

Who does that? If my child were trying to get back on track I would be there in a heartbeat. No questions asked. It just boggles my mind when Daddy's parents still treat his 2 brothers (27 and 25) like kids and think it's OK. These 2 don't have jobs, have no plans for jobs, and still live at home. But they treat Daddy like crap when he is the one who pretty much raised himself and everything he has accomplished in his life he has done alone without his parents help. The only thing they did was berate him while he was making something of himself.

On the other side we have the most amazing friends. God has surely blessed us with you all. Thank you and hugs don't seem enough.

I also have the best boss. I called her today to let her know that the condo needed a letter stating I work there and what my annual salary is. She said our HR won't fill anything out like that until after my first day but if they don't mind an email she'll be happy to send something to them right now. That was very nice of her to do.

We should hear something by Monday morning if we are approved or not. I hope we are. It's a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo. Although the bedrooms are on the opposite sides of eachother. Being a mom of a 2 year old this worries me. I just worry I won't be able to hear him cry or if he tries to leave. But he has had multiple chances here to open the front door when he was up in the mornings and he never did so I know he'll be OK.

Everything is looking up for us. We should have a new home next week. I start my new job. We get our tax refund late next week and will use part of it to pay off one of our debts. How exciting is that?! We are thrilled.

Daddy is thinking he won't be finding a job anytime soon. He looked at his normal job posting sites today and none had any new job postings. The paper only had 8 jobs posted. Not good. It's looking like he's going to be a stay at home dad for awhile. Nothing wrong with that! I have been wondering if maybe he should go full time at Cabela's. But the pay won't compare to his regular full time job so it's something we'll have to think about.

But right now we don't need to worry about it and will enjoy Little Man getting Daddy time.

Oh Happy Day!

I GOT THE JOB!!! Daddy decided to take Little Man and I out tonight. We got home a little after 7pm and I saw that there was a message at at 6:30pm the manager called and left a very generic (but positive) message. Eep! I was beside myself and didn't know what to do and if I could wait until tomorrow. So I decided to call and see if she was still working...she was!

I start Feb 17th. I'm so excited!

Thank you God!

No word

No word yet on if I got the job or not. I really hope I did and she calls tomorrow.

However I received a phone call today from United Health Group wondering if I was still interested in the Claims Representative position. (Not really...I want the job at Sholom.) I told the guy I was and have an interview tomorrow at 10:30am.

I'm having a very hard time with this. I have never wanted a job so bad. To be able to not only work on claims again but I also get to work with the public. It'll be tough, stressful but very rewarding.

I have been in constant prayer since yesterday. Asking for peace as I wait.

I will keep you all posted.

Bring the Rain

This is my response to people saying they wouldn't want to be in my shoes right now with everything that is going on in my and Daddy's lives.

To that I say...

Job interview

The job interview went VERY well today. I had to do a test first and it was kind of comical. I kept thinking do people really answer 'Always' to wanting to hit someone or knowing how to throw a punch, or finding it fun to watch a fight in progress? There were also questions about wortk ethic, stealing (whether from your place of employment or a grocery store), and any drug and alcohol use. I of course passed with flying colors. Yay me!

Onto the interview. There are 2 positions open and she asked me which of the two I would like. That is a hard question. Honestly I wouldn't mind doing either and I would hate to say one position and maybe they have someone better fitting. I did tell her which one I would prefer but am not opposed to cross training. The manager is very down to earth and easy going. I like that. She told me her managing style and how family friendly the office is. Start times are very flexible and you can make up time (which I was hoping as I'd rather do that than use vacation time). There are around 10 people in the billing department so it's very small, even though the company is huge.

I was worried about the pay range. I was on the high end at my last job and it tends to turn some employers away. I brought it up to her and she said the salary range and what I was making when I quit TCO is in the middle. (God does provide!) She said she likes to pay employees what they are worth and that the speciality care pay is usually on the high end (Sweet!). She asked me what I thought I was worth and so I told her (which is what I was making at TCO...as a LEAD). She didn't argue it and wrote down what I said.

During the interview she told me she really liked me. (I tried very hard not to squeal with joy.) She said not to be surprised if she calls soon but then said she has a few interviews next week so may not make a decision until Wednesday. I'm praying she said that so I don't get my hopes up and that she does call...soon. Tomorrow would be good.

A little too late...

Remember that company in Omaha that was interested in Daddy but were dragging their feet? (First they didn't want an interview until after the New Year. Then they just kept going at a snails pace.) Well they emailed Daddy yesterday saying they want to set up an interview on Friday afternoon.

Umm...a little too late? Or not?

I have my interview Thursday afternoon. Daddy also applied for a job and they just mailed him an application to fill out. So we're thinking this is a good sign for a possible interview. And now the job in Omaha is coming back up. And we have the apartment on hold (Daddy dropped off the deposit yesterday).

So, Lord, where do you want us to go? Are we staying? Leaving? Show us what you have planned for us.

Yahoo!!

I applied for a job on Saturday and got a call yesterday for an interview!!! It's on Thursday. I am SOOO excited! I hope and pray I get this job. It would be wonderful if I do. Because of the interview I wrote out a deposit today for an apartment. I wrote about it here. Daddy will drop it off on his way home from work. After talking Daddy and I decided we liked the 3 bedroom better. Even if the laundry is much smaller but amazingly it's cheaper than the 2 bedroom. I hope the nursing home (where I applied, in the billing department) makes a decision before the weekend. If they do I'd like to sign the paperwork on the apartment and start moving in!

Jobs, jobs, and still no jobs

I have a few places I want to call today and check the status of my application (and to get it on top of the pile).

Daddy, Little Man, and I went for a drive Sat night and Daddy and I found out we applied to jobs that are about 2 blocks from each other. How wonderful would that be?! We could car pool everyday. We've done it before and thoroughly enjoyed it.

At church yesterday I saw in the bulletin that they are having the preschool open house on Feb 10th. I can't believe Little Man will be old enough for preschool (at the age of 3) this coming Fall. Little Man will love preschool. I am hoping he is potty trained in time. Otherwise he won't be able to go. I was talking to our Pastor's wife about this (she's the preschool and kindergarten teacher) and she said they have a lot of 3 year old applicants for the preschool program. She said there are so many they are going to have to turn some of them away because she won't be able to handle so many kids...unless she had a helper. She looked at me and said 'Would you be interested in being a teacher's helper? It's free tuition.' YES! (And not because of the free tuition, but that does help.)

I wonder if she was serious. I wonder if this is what God wants. I really hate to assume that she was offering me a job. I don't know if it needs to get approved by the council. Also, this job won't start until next Fall. I need a job...NOW. Will they pay? And how much? Will I just work with the preschoolers who only meet twice a week?

I see I have a few questions to ask her. But the thing is we need something (a job) now. We need to move in the next few weeks. I know God will provide and if this is it. That would be wonderful!

Pray for us. And pray Daddy hears from places this week.

I'm in love!

Daddy and I (Little Man too) have been looking at apartments, and a townhouse, the past few days. We are looking at another apartment later this morning but I don't really want to. I'm in love with the townhouse we looked at yesterday. It's a 2 bedroom 1 1/2 bath. The bedrooms are HUGE! We could stay there a few years and even adopt again and have enough room in Little Man's room for a crib (if we do another DIA (Domestic Infant Adoption) otherwise we can split the bunkbed and have room for both of them if we adopt a toddler. And there's plenty of room in the garage to store alot of our stuff.

Now...if only some jobs would call us for an interview. I applied for 3 more jobs yesterday and who knows how many Daddy has applied for in the past week. I pray somone calls at least one of us for an interview. I'm secretly hoping someone calls me first (and I get the job) then Daddy can just relax for a bit.

Until then we continue to pray for God to provide for us.

Life and such

Today I weighed myself so I can start keeping track of how much weight I lose (if any). I've lost 5 lbs since December. Thinking back to what happened in December and the fact all I was eating was chocolate (and very little of anything else) I've come to realize maybe I was more stressed out over what is going on (with my nephew) than I thought. I also measured my waist and am hoping to lose 2 1/2 inches. Yep it's that big. Eep!

As you all know I'm reading the book Love and Respect. I highly recommend this book to all married couples, even couples who are engaged and going out. It truly is an eye opening book. Dr. Eggerichs talks about how God commands husbands to love their wives but doesn't really state to wives to love their husbands. That's because we already do that. It's programmed in us. What isn't programmed in us is respecting our husbands.

This has really hit home to me. I never had any role models so to speak in the marriage area. My parents don't have a marriage. My mom yelling at my dad all the time and pretty much telling him what he was doing wrong. Then seeing him go into himself and just shut down. This book made me see how my mom wasn't respecting my dad and my dad was reacting the only way he knew how, by shutting down. My mom wanted love, my dad wanted respect. Neither was/is showing each other love or respect and so begins the Crazy Cycle (as Dr Eggerichs describes). Unfortunately my mom sees everything as my dad's fault (and my dad not able to communicate why he's not loving my mom) and unfortunately this Crazy Cycle is continuing.

A couple weeks ago I was talking to my mom (which unfortunately looks like will be the last time for a long time) and she said she was wondering when the fairy tale life will start (meaning a wonderful life, with no conflict in anything; ie, marriage). At the time I kind of agreed. Well, not kind of, I did agree. As I get deeper in this book and look at my own life I realize I am living a fairy tale. God has given me a wonderful, caring and supportive husband. He has given us the tools (and the open mind) to know how to make our marriage better. He has continuously blessed us even during the hard times. We still act like we are going out. We talk, joke, hold hands, and snuggle.

I think back to when my mom was my age. By 30 she had 4 kids (ranging from 2 months (twins, by the way) to 6 years) and one daughter who was very sick (me). She would talk about the things my dad didn't do during this time and the years following and how she had to do it all herself. As I look back my dad did help out, a lot. He did everything my mom asked of him. Many things he did without complaining. My mom couldn't see that unfortunately. Now I look at my marriage. I see how Daddy and I both work together. I see the respect we both have for each other. I see how we both can turn to each other in our times of weakness.

To that I thank God. Thank you for having Daddy and I find each other. Thank you for the joy you have shown us. The love we have for each other is because of you and through you. I am thankful Little Man will see how because of God all things are possible. Even when things are tough.

What I did today...

I applied for a job! In Duluth! I figured maybe God wants me to work now and Daddy to stay home (hopefully not!). I started searching online and found NOTHING here in the cities. At least in my field and salary requirement. Then I found a job posted on MN job Bank and thought 'Why Not'. So I applied. It's at SMDC in Duluth, MN. The job is for the Accounts Receivable Manager position. The pay is around what I was making at TCO when I quit. Not bad. If I get the job (which I think I'm quailified for but I've had job names deceive me before. Hence, the job I was at for only 2 weeks in 2007.) then maybe Daddy can hold off finding a job for a little bit or maybe he'll get that one from the Nasty company. We don't know.

The funny thing is I wrote an email to my friend when I found out about the job for Daddy in Duluth and I told her I don't want to live in Duluth. Hmmm... So we shall see what happens!

The plus side of unemployment

I get to sleep in! We are on day 49 of Daddy being unemployed. And we've pretty much slept in every single day. :) Well except Christmas and Sundays for church. The past 2 days Daddy has let me sleep in. He got Little Man up, fed, dressed AND brushed his teeth. While I slept in until 9am. Ahhhh... I haven't been feeling good (due to the womanly visitor) so it was nice to get some extra sleep.

I'm starting to wonder if this is becoming a bad habit. Hmmm....Naaa.... When Daddy was working we were all up by 6:30am (when Daddy left for work). Now, Little Man is up around 7am and Daddy and I stay in bed until 8am. Sometimes Little Man will come in and snuggle with us. It's really nice that Little Man is at the age where he can entertain himself for awhile.

I think this unemployment was a Godsend. Before this Daddy had been working 5-6 days a week, including weekends. He would leave for work at 6:30am and not get home until maybe 10:30am. Long after Little Man was in bed. Little Man probably saw Daddy maybe for 10 hours a week. There wasn't even time for Daddy to sit down and play with Little Man. Now all I hear during the day is 'DADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!! Daddy Daddy DADDY!' Music to my ears.

No news on the job front. Still waiting for people to call/email. Although one guy did email Daddy yesterday and said he has a call into a guy about the job in Omaha (a different one, not the one he interviewed for). So that's some news. Hopefully things start picking up soon so we know where we will be going next month. Until then we are keeping the faith and know God will put things in place at the perfect time.

Blessings

I was given the book, Multiple Blessings by Jon and Kate Gosselin (of Jon and Kate + 8) by our first group of Secret Santa's/Angels. In the book Kate talks about her fears, frustrations and most importantly her faith and trust in God. In the book she talked about how Jon didn't have a job during her pregnancy with the sextuplets and then after their birth. She talked how they wondered (and prayed) everyday to make ends meet. And each day God provided with volunteers, donations, gifts, and the love of everyone around them (even people they didn't know).

Towards the end of the book Kate was telling the story about a family her sister was telling her about that were going through some tough times. Kate really wanted to help but didn't know how even with them being so strapped for cash. She heard God calling to her to give a little. So she wrote out a check and put it in the mailbox. When she opened the mailbox there was a card in there for them. She opened it up and it was a gift card for the exact amount of money she wrote out to the family.

Isn't it amazing how God provides just when we need it?

Onto my point, Daddy brought in the mail yesterday and I saw our energy bill came. I opened it up and noticed it doubled. DOUBLED! Winter is here alright. Even though we haven't used more heat. After the shock wore off I realized something. I only used one of the gift cards to Cub this week and it took off HALF of our bill. The EXACT amount that was added to our heating bill. God does provide!

I am just in awe at how he does provide just when we need it. With the Christmas season over and the New Year here we pray that phone calls and emails start coming in with possible interviews and job offers. We continue to trust that God will provide for us. We know he will.

By the way, I highly recommend the book. I know alot of us don't have twins AND sextuplets but we sure do have hard times in our lives and to see how God provided for the Gosselins it opened my eyes to see how he provides for us.