Feeling down

I've been sick since Monday. I am feeling much better. Not throwing up but have been nauseous every now and then. I'm still not eating a lot (maybe that's a good thing). But my sinuses are still plugged. I can breathe at least but you can tell when I talk that I'm sick.

Back to being nauseous, I was telling my coworker yesterday that I was feeling sick to my stomach and how I didn't feel like this when I was throwing up on Monday night. She then made the comment about 'Gasp, maybe your pregnant.' I had to tell her unless some HUGE miracle happens (like Daddy's vasectomy that was done about 6 years ago all of sudden reverses itself.), that ain't possible. Although I have been thinking about it for the past 2 weeks. I'm late (well given the fact my cycle isn't 'normal'. I get it every other month. This should have been the month for it to come.) and last week I only had mild spotting for 2 days (if that) and that was it. And add that even though I lost 4 pounds my stomach has decided to get even bigger.

*Gasp* I'm pregnant. I wish it were that easy.

I've started reading more into Embryo Adoption at our agency. I was always turned off by it and honestly slightly repulsed. But now I think it's the sweetest thing. I brought it up to Daddy last night and he flat out said NO. He's still repulsed by it.

So, I'll just sit here and feel sorry for myself. I'm very worried about finding money for our 2nd adoption. I know I shouldn't but if we do the embryo adoption we could almost start this summer. There's a lot of things I would need to do to see if I'm able to do it and if I am, there will be lots of shots and pills I'm sure I'm going to need to do.

Also, the thought of possibly having multiples (like twins) is very appealing to me as our family would almost be complete...or even fully complete.

I will continue to pray that God gives me patience and strength. I ask for your prayers too.

I've been sick.

There's a lovely bug going around the nursing home and I got it. Let's just say I lost 4 pounds in one day. Yuck! I'm feeling better but am not in the mood to eat. I did have a little bit for supper but that was it.

Work has been busy. We only have one computer that has the Medicare billing program so I have to share that with my coworker, Lori, who is training me in. It's very frustrating for both of us, especially when two our our coworkers at the other site (Shaller Campus) keep calling to have us look up stuff because they can't get in on their end. We've stopped answering the phone. Unfortunately we still have about 25 days until the new broadband system is set up. I can't wait to be able to sit at my own desk and get some work down. Although I don't mind sitting with Lori and chatting it up during the day. :)

Then what...

Little Man and I were driving around yesterday when a song came on the radio that I hadn't heard in a LONG time. The song, Then What by Clay Walker, has always been a favorite of mine. Only because it has steal drums in it. As I was singing along the chorus caught my attention. Not that it hasn't before but with what is going on with someone I know this just struck a cord.

The chorus:
Then what, what you gonna do
When the new wears off and the old shines through
And it aint really love and it aint really lust
You aint anybody anyone's gonna trust
Then what, where you gonna turn
When you cant turn back for the bridges you burn
And fate can't wait to kick you in the butt
Then what

It strikes me sometimes how people don't truly seem to understand that their actions affect everyone. As the song Slow Fade by Casting Crowns goes:

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

There is always someone watching, not only our Lord above but also someone who admires you or even someone just passing by. It is these 'little feet' that are most affected by our choices.

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

When a choice is made to cross the fine line, no matter how small, that's when all that was before starts to slip away. The choice causes the person to slowly lose the perception on how life was before. The new choice is now most important and what they are leaving isn't important anymore.

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

Simple words can be just as powerful. Innocently speaking can very easily cross the line when someone isn't ready. It's then when the power of words can pull you in.

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

When in a situation that can seem innocent, it is then when black and white blend and a choice was made without the person realizing it. It is then, when the person can't see the way out.

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

And now they are completely immersed and there seems to be no way out.

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

It is when a person puts themselves into a seemingly innocent position that what was before seems wrong and where they are now is right. And that is when they start to fade away.

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Not only do they have little eyes watching but the Lord is watching too. And like him we are all looking with love and together we will get through this.

And as Clay Walker says 'Then what, what you gonna do, when the new wears off and the old shines through...'